So, food is a national comforter. Famously too, though the Scots are a nation of salad dodgers. It's a fair cop but, in our defence, have you seen what nature provides in the way of soil? Anything that isn't gorse isn't that easy to grow here. Scotland's stony fields are in fact, particularly suited to growing turnips.

Nicknamed the Salad Dodger, it was clear yesterday Ian Sturgess does not favour a diet of fresh fruit and vegetables.

But now the 40-stone lorry driver's love of fried food and dislike of exercise is set to be the death of him.

Stand aside easyJet, I'm launching my new airline. It's called Lite-Flite, and passengers will pay different amounts for their tickets, according to how much they weigh. Think about it. Airlines charge extra for excess baggage, so why not charge for excess flab too? Planes use more fuel if they're full of fatsos, so six-stone weaklings will only pay a third as much as an 18-stone gut-bucket who is making it well-nigh impossible for the 747 to get off the runway. LiteFlite is an anorexia-friendly company, but we hope that the prospect of cheaper tickets will also encourage the nation's salad-dodgers to slim.