Most recently in the news, we've heard stories of John McCain's self professed internet illiteracy, which probably makes him the most likely of the presidential/vice-presidential candidates to be technoloplegic.

Mr Patten's (and Quarry Bay 's) many fans will no doubt leap to his defence and say: "But of course he remembers Hong Kong and its brilliant newspaper columns fondly. He does not need to subscribe to a local paper to keep up. He can read about us every day on the Internet."

Unfortunately, this is not the case. While he certainly gets his intelligence by fax and telephone from old friends in the SAR, he does not go to www.scmp.com before breakfast every morning. The former Governor, you see, is a self-confessed technoplegic.

Technoplegic: you suffer from paralysis induced by fear of using technology.